Notorious Germophobe Definitely Doesn't Know the Covid-Positive Valet Whose Job It Is to Wait On Him Day & Night

Illustration for article titled Notorious Germophobe Definitely Doesnt Know the Covid-Positive Valet Whose Job It Is to Wait On Him Day  Night
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Barf BagWelcome to Barf Bag, a daily politics roundup to help you sort through the chaotic Trumpian news cycle.

In early April, Trump met with a member of the Brazilian government at Mar-a-Lago who was later confirmed to have tested positive for coronavirus. A second person at that meeting, called “low-risk” by government officials at the time, later tested positive as well. Now, yet another coronavirus patient has entered Trump’s orbit—his personal valet, who was not required to wear a mask by the administration.

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CNN reports that Trump’s valet tested positive for coronavirus Wednesday. As the outlet reports, his duties included all-hours catering to the president’s needs. While Trump claimed in a press conference today that he hasn’t had much contact with the man and called the situation “strange.” Politico reports that valets who work in the Oval Office handle “coffee, food, or whatever else [the president] might need during the day.” Trump is able to call them at any time using a special button. Those in the residence also iron clothes, pack suitcases, and deliver food and coffee. It’s currently unclear where this valet was stationed, but that seems like plenty enough contact for transmission!

Regardless, Trump’s administration claims he’s perfectly fine. According to spokespeople, he and Vice President Pence receive regular tests, as do all members of his unfortunate inner circle. He’s fine! Totally fine. Everything is completely and utterly fine. [CNN]

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Isn’t it beautiful that a Trump crony who pled guilty to lying to the FBI about his contact with Russian diplomats, can just... walk free? Justice is an amazing concept!

The New York Times reports that the Justice Department has dropped its case against former Trump henchman Michael T. Flynn. His lawyers argued that resurfaced FBI interviews from 2017 showed misconduct on the agency’s part. Apparently, the Justice Department agreed, with prosecutors telling the court that the agency’s actions were “untethered to, and unjustified by, the FBI’s counterintelligence investigation into Mr. Flynn.”

In his motion to dismiss, US attorney Timothy L. Shea wrote:

“The government is not persuaded that the Jan. 24, 2017, interview was conducted with a legitimate investigative basis and therefore does not believe Mr. Flynn’s statements were material even if untrue.”

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Insiders at the Justice Department also told the Times that lead prosecutor Brandon L. Van Grack, who’s been on the end of repeated attacks from Flynn’s lawyers, suddenly withdrew from the case Thursday. According to the outlet, officials at the Justice Department were “stunned” by Grack’s withdrawal. Now, it’s up to a federal judge in Washington to dismiss the case entirely, which would mean Flynn could not be re-tried for the same crimes again.

Well, that’s all rather regular to me. Politics, as they say! Nothing to see here. Everything seems totally legit, and by the books. Godspeed, Flynn! May your next act of possible treason be much less publicized. [NY Times]

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Oh, fun! Joe Biden called Donald Trump a reality TV star. Good one, Joe, that’s definitely going to work. Maybe get Debra Messing to retweet it, if you can?

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Local man who doesn’t believe in washing hands promotes dangerous herd immunity theory theory on unwashed news network.

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Be Best turned two today! How will you be celebrating this incredibly important milestone in American history?

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Melania, frankly, is just having a really rocking day. Her baby’s birthday AND National Prayer Day? Call her Marie Antoinette, because she’s eating her cake, and in front of us too!

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  • Would it shock you to know that the Trump administration is burying information from the CDC? [AP]
  • Good news for RBG, just OK news for the rest of us, considering her Supreme Court seat is still on the line. [Politico]
  • 33 million people have applied for unemployment since March. [NBC News]
  • Trump installed yet another greased-up crony in a position more critical than ever: Postmaster General. [Washington Post]
  • Local man and supporting villain thinks he’s a superhero now. Doctors, of course, disagree. [CNN]
  • Health Secretary Azar is a fucking dickhead. [Politico]
  • What new schemes are Pelosi and Schumer cooking up? [The Hill]

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DISCUSSION

lilsebastianhascovid19
li’l sebastian’s mini horse erection 2.0

Two more comments:

That BE BEST sign is the jankiest thing I’ve ever seen. Did Donny not give Melania even $15 for something nicer?

This herd theory is so stupid. Again, I had coronavirus. Although it wasn’t some awful sickness, the loss of two of my five senses for multiple months (smell has been back a week and taste is still missing) is alarming and rather dangerous. Fuck these assholes.