Mueller Has Subpoenaed Trump & Friends' Campaign Correspondence, Which Certainly Sounds Bad For Trump!

Illustration for article titled Mueller Has Subpoenaed Trump  Friends Campaign Correspondence, Which Certainly Sounds Bad For Trump!
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Today in Russian collusion: it appears special counsel Robert Mueller has issued a subpoena requesting campaign correspondence and other documents from some key former members of Team Trump 2016, including Trump himself. Can’t wait to see what gets leaked! Do you think Trump asked Bannon what time Shark Week was on? Probably!


It seems Mueller might suspect that the Trump campaign knew about Hillary Clinton’s infamous email hack in advance, so he and his team plan to dig through emails, texts, phone logs, handwritten notes, and other documents dating all the way back to November 2015, per a subpoena leaked to NBC News. In addition to the Coiffed Commander-in-Chief himself, the subpoena seeks documents from:

1. Steven Bannon

2. Michael Cohen

3. Rick Gates

4. Hope Hicks

5. Corey Lewandowski

6. Paul Manafort

7. Carter Page

8. Keith Schiller

9. Roger Stone

So far, Gates has pleaded guilty to conspiracy and lying to the FBI; Manafort has pleaded not guilty to a slew of crimes, including money laundering, conspiracy, and making false statements; Lewandowski and Bannon were fired; and Page, Schiller, and Hicks have quit. Meanwhile, last week it was reported that Stone was communicating with WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange and alleged Russian hacker Guccifer 2.0, which sure seems like a coincidence!


It’s hard to know what fun treasures these documents will behold, but considering some of the things this particular band of political geniuses have done—like spend $934,350 at an “antique rug store” for no discernible reason, or be Carter Page—I can’t imagine this will bode well for Trump, though he’ll still be President forever anyway, probably.


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Doesn’t it feel a little late, though? Haven’t they had eons of time to destroy the evidence?

Seeing Robert Mueller’s name used to give my body little wellsprings of joy. Now it just feels as though we are being slammed from one wall to another. Trump’s incompetence vs. Mueller’s investigation. Spy vs. spy. Every day.

As though we are in some sort of limbo, waiting for the government to collapse but it never seems to happen. What can we do? How do we prepare for the inevitable? Obviously, I want to see Trump impeached but the entire country is going to be in total, frenzied chaos when it does happen, and the collateral damage will be enormous.

Who will be able to unite the country, again? Certainly not Mike Pence.