Image: Getty

At last, a profile of my favorite Taurus, Melania Trump, that is mostly puff but also lays bare the hideous and convenient mirage that is her marriage to Donald Trump.

Some things I learned about the human-esque First Lady of the United States from the Washington Post: Melania and her grody husband, Donald, sleep in separate bedrooms; she does not like public displays of affection because she is “old-world and European” (and not because, perhaps, she is married to a man whose skin is both crepey and tough, like that of an overripe peach); no one can get their story straight about whether or not she and the president spend time together or not.

From the Post:

“They spend very little to no time together,” said one longtime friend of the president.

Grisham said the president and Melania do spend time with each other. “Aside from the president’s solo trips, the family spends most evenings together.” She also played down the headlines about Trump’s alleged affairs and said Melania “is focused on being a mom. She’s focused on being a wife, and she’s focused on her role as first lady. And that’s it. The rest is just noise.”

Advertisement

One more surprise-that-isn’t-really about their marriage: Of course there’s a prenup, and I would gladly sell something of great value (the cat? my kidney?) to read just a snippet of it!

Trump insisted on a prenuptial agreement when he married Melania 13 years ago, just as he had with his two previous wives. The terms have never been made public. A person close to Melania noted that the prenuptial was signed before his political career, which forced her to take on a whole new role and one, as a friend said, that is “unpaid.”

That role, which Melania has completely largely dismissed, was taken, most distressingly, by Ivanka Trump, the only progeny of the president of which he seems to actually give a shit about.

According to several White House staff members, Melania has erected a de facto wall between the East Wing, where she is renovating her office and enjoying growing popularity, and the West Wing, where her husband and Ivanka Trump, her eldest stepdaughter, have offices.

While she goes to the West Wing for official duties, she does not walk down the hall, pop her head in and see how the president’s day is going. [...]

Noticeably, Melania’s presence is growing as Ivanka’s fades.

Last year, an official White House statement described Ivanka as holding an “unprecedented role for a first daughter” and she has at times taken on the duties of a first lady. Ivanka acts as the president’s policy adviser, has traveled the globe as her father’s surrogate, and sat down with world leaders at the White House. But recently her public profile has been reduced.

Advertisement

What does fate have in store for Melania? Robert Mueller hasn’t yet stated whether or not he will turn his prying eye to the Trump children, but Politico speculates that if he did, he’d be saving them for last, like one might a hefty slice of opera cake or a tiny petit fours. Ivanka, perhaps on the descent, leaves an opening. White House convention demands that someone act as the warm, smiling face of this monstrous administration. Someone has to have “initiatives.” Who better but Melania? Truly, who else?

Read the rest of the profile here.