Meet the Conservative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Illustration for article titled Meet the Conservative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Image: Wikimedia Commons

If you thought that the Republican Party didn’t have a conservative equivalent to the Democrats’ Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, you are wrong, because everything about the two parties is exactly parallel and therefore the same. It also means you haven’t yet met Representative Matt Gaetz, who recently told Politico: “I aspire to be the conservative AOC.”

Gaetz claims that the only thing standing in the way of his aspiration is that he “can’t dance for shit.” 


Some other differences that Gaetz and Politico did not mention: the time Gaetz invited Chuck Johnson, a far-right forest gnome, to the State of the Union; the time Gaetz just so happened to get out of a DUI conviction while driving his rich state senator father’s BMW; the time he did a racist tweet implying that two black legislators couldn’t write or spell.

So yes, Gaetz is definitely the best that conservatives have got.

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I didn’t know the Hapsburgs were still around.