Maybe Don't Ask the Fucking White House About Creepy Clown Sightings

Josh Earnest at Tuesday’s press briefing. Photo via AP.

As we’ve previously opined on this website, this scary clown hoax bullshit needs to stop. Stop dressing up like a clown and lurking around to scare people. Stop pretending you saw a scary clown and filing false police reports. And for the love of God, don’t ask the White House about these fake clowns. What? You already — God dammit.

The recent spate of scary clowns across this great nation are, as we all know, either imaginary or undercover dorkuses who need a more constructive hobby. Nonetheless, an unidentified reporter at a White House press briefing Tuesday decided it was time for the executive branch to comment on the fucking clown situation:

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The reporter referred to a New York Times story outlining how the goddamn clown situation has led to 12 arrests across the country, and, horribly, one death: a 16-year-old boy in Pennsylvania was fatally stabbed in late September after an altercation that police say began with “someone wearing a clown mask.” (Witness reports are conflicting: some say the victim, Christian Torres, had the mask on, while others say his attacker did. The attacker still hasn’t been identified or charged.)

“I’m wondering if the president is aware of this phenomenon,” the reporter asked, “And if the White House wants to say anything to discourage these types of pranks?”

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“I don’t know that the president has been briefed on this particular situation,” Press Secretary Josh Earnest replied. A few people in the room chortled. “This is something that I’ve read about in some of the news coverage. Obviously this is a situation that local law enforcement authorities take quite seriously, and they should carefully and thoroughly review perceived threats to the safety of the community. They should do so prudently, but I can’t speak to any advice they may have received from law enforcement efforts at the federal level. But you can check with my colleagues at the FBI and DHS and see what they have to say about it, OK?”

A long and exceedingly nice way of saying, “Why are you asking me about these goddamned clowns?

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About the author

Anna Merlan

Anna Merlan was a Senior Reporter at G/O Media until September 2019. She's the author of Republic of Lies: American Conspiracy Theorists and Their Surprising Rise to Power.

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