Marco Rubio: ISIS Is Coming, Better Get a Gun

Illustration for article titled Marco Rubio: ISIS Is Coming, Better Get a Gun

During a Saturday speech in Iowa, Marco Rubio warned the crowd of the impending doom of ISIS, suggesting that everyone might want to gun to protect themselves from the Islamic State.


The Guardian reports that Rubio promised, “My attorney general is not going to be someone that comes to my office to conspire about how to take away your guns.” Why? Because of ISIS, of course.

Rubio continued:

“God forbid ISIS pays a visit to you, to our community, the last thing standing between them and our families may be the ability to protect ourselves with our guns. And there’s no way we’re going to take that away from the American people, not when I’m president.”


Rubio who, according to the Guardian holds an “A” rating from the National Rifle Association, has recently turned his attention to President Obama’s so-called “gun grab.” During the Republican debate last week, the Florida Senator promised to protect gun ownership from President Obama who, by Rubio’s account would, “confiscate every gun” and “get rid of the second amendment.”

But America needs those guns because, according to Rubio, ISIS is coming to your house. In an interview this morning with CBS’s Face the Nation, Rubio reiterated his Iowa speech, saying that he recently purchased a second gun because he worries about an ISIS attack (presumably on Miami?):

“If Isis were to visit us or our communities at any moment, the last line of defense between Isis and my family is the ability that I have to protect my family from them or from a criminal or anyone else who seeks to do us harm.”

Good thing Rubio recently acquired some shiny boots, he can use them to stomp ISIS after he shoots them.

Image via AP.

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AllieCat demands hats on cats-is probable weirdo

Knock knock!

Who is it?

American Pizza?

I didn’t order a pizza! Who is this really?

American whore Taylor swift?

Nah. She only ever comes over after her latest boyfriend breaks up with her. She’s one of THOSE girls. Who are you? tell me the truth.

Okay. Um it’s Infidel traitor barack Obama?

Hmm you do sound Muslim but not THAT muslim. Isis? Is that you?

Ah-you got us. We’re going to come in and take your family now.

Don’t you dare! I have a gun!

Oh no! Blast! we’re very afraid of guns. How did you know?

American hero Marco Rubio warned me!!

Oh no! What a stud. Well that’s the end of that. You have a nice day. We’ll get you next time though!

Haha you guys! Enjoy your trip. You should try bombing one of those food trucks, they’re all the rage.

We’ll try. But it’s a short trip. And we want to do the Hollywood walk of fame and maybe one of those TMZ star tours, can you imagine seeing where Katy perry lives and then burning it to the ground? We might hit the beach too. But they wouldn’t let us in Disneyland and we weren’t even going to kill anyone, we just wanted to meet Elsa from frozen! See you later!

editors note: The American in this transcript was killed (later that day) when shot while triumphantly cleaning her hero gun, loaded, with the safety off. Her sacrifice will not be forgotten.