Marco, oh my god, it’s Marco Rubio!!!! Oh my god, he heard me, he’s coming over. Senator Rubio, hi, you’re looking great today, wearing that same smug-ass look on your face you always have on. Senator Rubio, tell us—it’s been about a week, and your constituents, Senator, they’re all dying to know:
The new Kanye West album, sir. It’s called Ye. Short for Kanye, Senator. Have you had a chance to listen to it? I know you’ve been busy, uh [checks notes], defending Chik-Fil-A from the PC police and watching idly from the sidelines as the president works diligently to deprive thousands of people of their basic human rights. Right, so, if you could just give us a moment of your time and weigh in on the new album, sir, that would be so helpful, I know your fans—again, real people with real issues—have been waiting for your comments and would greatly appreciate hearing from you. Oh no, thank YOU!