Man With Baby Bangs Grilled by Congress on Everything Except His Baby Bangs [Updated]

Illustration for article titled Man With Baby Bangs Grilled by Congress on Everything Except His Baby Bangs [Updated]
Image: Getty
Barf BagWelcome to Barf Bag, a daily politics roundup to help you sort through the chaotic Trumpian news cycle.

Need more Diet Dr. Pepper.

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

  • Mark Zuckerberg got nice and charred during a Congressional hearing on Wednesday. Why did no one ask him about his baby bangs though??? Update, 6:21 p.m.: California Democrat Katie Porter did mention his baby bangs: “As the mother of a teenage boy,” she said, “I just want to say thanks for modeling the short cut.” [Politico/CNN/Vice/Mashable]
  • Here’s just a taste:
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  • Ed Stack, the CEO of Dick’s Sporting Goods, is apparently mulling a run for president as a third-party candidate. Why not!!! [Politico]
  • Republican idiots in Congress, led naturally by Matt Gaetz, protested the impeachment inquiry by barging into a secure facility—or SCIF, where the latest witness in the inquiry was scheduled to testify—and refusing to leave for five hours. [Washington Post]
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  • Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman, two of Rudy Giuliani’s many crime friends, pled not guilty to charges that they funneled foreign donation to a pro-Trump super PAC. [New York Post]
  • Pete Buttigieg continues to be a big weenie. [New York Times]
  • Oh?
  • Biden has widened his lead according to this poll, and I would like to die now, please. [CNN]
  • But this was nice as well as life-affirming.
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  • Please read this important investigation on the U.S. Marshals. [Mother Jones]

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

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This has been Barf Bag.

Senior reporter, Jezebel

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DISCUSSION

The thing that’s extra frustrating about Republicans lies about the impeachment inquiry is that over 100 members of Congress are eligible to participate in these behind closed door sessions and both parties are able to question witnesses. But they way they tell it you’d think it was just Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff sacrificing Christian children in the basement of the Capitol.

It just shows how deeply terrified Trump and his allies are. Because when all you’ve got is temper tantrums about “the process” you’ve already lost.

Side note: There is WAY too much going on for politics to be relegated to occasional posts across the current GMG Universe. Please tell me there are plans to remedy this somehow soon.