Lindsey Graham, Who Once Joked About Murdering Ted Cruz, Will Now Endorse Him

Illustration for article titled Lindsey Graham, Who Once Joked About Murdering Ted Cruz, Will Now Endorse Him

Welcome, Sen. Lindsey Graham, to an extremely long list of Republicans who have suddenly and dramatically changed their tune.

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Politico reports that Lindsey Graham, a relative moderate who has compared the choice between Ted Cruz and Donald Trump to “the difference between being poisoned or shot,” said Cruz was possibly “worse” than Obama (gasp!) on foreign policy, and less than a month ago joked about how easy it would be to get away with murdering Cruz, is now endorsing Ted Cruz.

From Politico:

According to the invitation reviewed by POLITICO, which could be in its draft stages, Graham will headline a fundraiser for Cruz on Monday at Clyde’s Gallery Place. Tickets start at $1,000.

The event, which is held the same day Cruz will address the American Israel Public Affairs Committee, is described as a fundraiser to “honor and support a great friend of Israel, and the Jewish people, and the next President of the United States, Ted Cruz.”

“He’s the best alternative to Donald Trump,” Graham said in a statement.

Oh? In what...way?


Image via Associated Press.

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Ellie is a freelance writer and former senior writer at Jezebel. She is pursuing a master's degree in science journalism at Columbia University in the fall.

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DISCUSSION

hatsforcats
AllieCat demands hats on cats-is probable weirdo

If you were going to murder someone this is EXACTLY what you’d say to throw off suspicion.

Step 1. Endorse Cruz. Pretend you guys are really close friends. Loudly say to anyone within earshot how SAD it would be if anyone ever murdered him at barbecues and children’s birthday parties.

Step two: Tell your wife that the plastic shower curtain is super old-have her buy a new one! No one will question that-women LOVE shopping. Make jokes with colleagues about wife being a shopaholic and nag. Tell wife you’ll throw out the old shower curtain (now use it to line the trunk of your car!)

Step three: Around Halloween buy a wig for your “Ronald Reagan costume”. Now buy sunglasses so the wife can be a “secret service agent”. This will be your disguise!

Step four: start calling ted Cruz often just chat. Tell him that you love murdering strippers. It’s the only way he laughs. Suggest it might be fun to go out together sometime.

Step five: invite Ted for a super surprise “endorsement session”. Make sure to use air quotes when you tell him about it so he thinks you got strippers for him to bludgeon. If you aren’t sure if he’s getting it-pull out a meat cleaver with a bow on it. It’ll excite him. Then he will tell everyone he’s playing mini golf for the day.

Step six: murder Ted Cruz.

Seems like Graham has got it all under control.