Just Like Your Boyfriend, Rand Paul Has a Coronabeard Now

Illustration for article titled Just Like Your Boyfriend, Rand Paul Has a Coronabeard Now
Screenshot: Twitter/@atrupar

Rand Paul, senator and famed prick, is on the mend after contracting covid-19, and he has a coronabeard to show for it.

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Paul made an appearance on Fox and Friends bright and early Monday morning to cosplay as Bill Murray in The Royal Tenenbaums and discussed his covid-19 experience as well as his recent volunteer work at his local hospital in Kentucky.

“This is a new look for you, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with a beard before,” said Fox and Friends co-host Steve Doocy.

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“Well, you know, they banished me to the basement, they did agree to feed me, but nobody would send a razor down,” said Paul. “So I guess this is what I got from my quarantine, my quarantine beard.”

On March 22, Paul’s office reported that he tested positive for the novel coronavirus, ironic given the fact that the senator famously downplayed the covid-19 pandemic and even delayed a covid-19 relief bill. Paul—a doctor!—also refused to abide by social distancing guidelines, squeezing in a workout at the Senate pool and gym while waiting for his covid-19 test results (much to his colleagues’ ire). He told Fox and Friends that he didn’t display any symptoms while quarantined, which is cosmically wild given his a cavalier attitude about the seriousness of the fatal virus.

But did Paul chow down on a slice of humble pie after during covid-19 quarantine? No, of course not!

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When asked to speak to the “government overreach” that covid-19 has prompted, Paul called out Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer on her “ignorance” and “hatred of Donald Trump” and approved of experimenting with anti-malarial medication hydroxychloroquine as a covid-19 treatment based on his anecdotal observations of its success (despite continued controversy over the not-so-miracle drug).

So he’s still an asshole, just an asshole with a mock turtleneck and a sad beard. Nice to have some constants in this everchanging world.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

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DISCUSSION

In a country that wasn’t openly flirting with fascism, a politician who so openly displays contempt for the health and safety of other humans would just be shameful. All of us would feel ashamed for the guy. We’d recognize that he’s a tool. That’d be the news story.

Instead, we live in a country in which one major political party is all but practicing overt fascism and the other is going to, at most, write a very sternly-worded Twitter complaint about Senator Paul. This open contempt for other humans is part of the appeal of the modern Republican Party; this is what their voters have been trained to applaud. Fixing that kind of evil within voters is possible but it takes time and effort and who the heck has either of those to spare?