Join Me in a Thought Exercise About Being Married to Mitch McConnell

Illustration for article titled Join Me in a Thought Exercise About Being Married to Mitch McConnell
Image: AP
Barf BagWelcome to Barf Bag, a daily politics roundup to help you sort through the chaotic Trumpian news cycle.

It’s Tuesday and you know what that means:

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Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

  • Mitch McConnell “shrugged off” questions about whether or not his marriage to Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao is maybe the reason his state received special treatment from the Transportation Department for grants and other projects. However, I ask that we set aside that question and instead take a moment to imagine that Mitch McConnell is our husband. Lean in close to the photo on your screen and imagine kissing it. I can’t! I can’t! [Politico]
  • The Mueller investigation—take two! [New York Times]
  • For once in our terrible lives, some good news: nurse practitioners, physician assistants, and certified nurse-midwives are now allowed to perform abortions in Maine. [WABI]
  • Internet racists face a setback. [BuzzFeed News]
  • Nancy Pelosi is “done” talking about the president. Seems like that’s not going to work, but okay. [Reuters]
  • An emotional Jon Stewart testified before the House Judiciary Committee about reauthorizing the September 11th Victim Compensation Fund:
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Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

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This has been Barf Bag.

Senior editor, Jezebel

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DISCUSSION

westerosironswanson
The Ron Swanson of Westeros

Mitch McConnell “shrugged off” questions about whether or not his marriage to Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao is maybe the reason his state received special treatment from the Transportation Department for grants and other projects.

I’ve got to be honest here: I’m kind of waiting for people in Washington to realize that there was no other reaction that this kind of question could possibly engender. Mitch McConnell might have used his relationship with his wife to his own political benefit?

The only thing Mitch cares about is vote counts. If the people of Kentucky cared about corruption (enough to vote on, I mean), then Mitch would be the squeakiest of clean Senators. They don’t, so he doesn’t. There’s no part of his soul that you can touch. His heart can’t grow three sizes on this day, or any other. There is no point at which he will rush onto the floor and scream that it was all him, and that Jimmy Stewart had been speaking truth the whole time.

And more importantly, so long as he remains credibly good at “owning the libs”, then his voting base will continue to turn out for him, say “. . .eh”, and pull the lever for him in sufficient numbers to put him up by a comfortable 7-8 point margin. Nobody loves the man, and he doesn’t love them either. If we’re talking Jimmy Stewart movies, the movie to watch is It’s a Wonderful Life, rather than Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, because Mr. Potter is the most accurate reflection of McConnell’s soul. He’s already accepted that if there’s a hell, he’s going there. And he’s accepted it because he knows that in this world, he can’t be touched.