John Boehner Pivots to Steakhouse Influencer

John Boehner, remember him? The former Speaker of the House, whom I recall mostly for his love of tanning, his penchant to cry profusely at the drop of a hat, and for being run out of D.C. for not being racist enough for his caucus members, has finally released more details of his long-promised memoir, which will be published next April.

And if the cover is to be believed, Boehner in his retirement has pivoted to steakhouse influencer. John Boehner? More like Ruth’s Chris! But if the cover is more akin to an ad you’d get at a Holiday Inn on the outskirts of D.C., Boehner’s memoir actually seems like something I’d want to read if only to relive the bad years through the perspective of a bad man, but one who is promising to tell some juicy tales.

Boehner, a noted chain-smoker, originally titled his memoir Notes From a Smoke-Filled Room, and promised that it would be “a book people might want to actually read, no matter where they’re coming from politically.”

He also described himself as a “jackass,” which makes me hope his memoir will contain a level of self-awareness that most do not. “I get the question every day: What was the proudest accomplishment of your time in Congress? And I think it’s that I walked out of there in October 2015 as pretty much the same jackass I was when I walked in almost 25 years earlier,” he told Politico in 2018. He added, “I walked out of there with no regrets… and a hell of a lot of good stories.”

Will he expound on why he calls Jim Jordan an “asshole” and a “terrorist”? Does he still believe that Ted Cruz is, as he notably put it in 2016, “Lucifer in the flesh” and a “miserable son of a bitch?” I certainly hope so! Throw us some bloody meat, dude!