Running for political office seems very much like being a kindergarten teacher: enthusiastically explaining the same simplified concepts over and over in the same smiling tone of voice while never making anyone feel embarrassed for asking a stupid question until everyone is exhausted and the process begins anew with some fresh subject. Unless you are Joe Biden, who greets admittedly uninformed statements with decidedly unsmiling, unenthusiastic retorts such as “Don’t be a horse’s ass” and “You’re full of shit.”
On Tuesday the former Vice President and current Democratic primary candidate, endorsed by unions such as the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers and Iron Workers Union, dropped by the assembly plant for Fiat Chrysler to presumably genially chat with some of his IBEW supporters. Instead, he got into a yelling match with them. When one worker confronted Biden about supposed “viral” videos depicting Biden expressing a desire to “actively end our Second Amendment right,” Biden went from zero to nuclear in an instant, telling the man “You’re full of shit” before launching into a confusing explanation of his stance:
“I support the Second Amendment. The Second Amendment—just like right now, if you yelled ‘fire,’ that’s not free speech,” Biden continued. “And from the very beginning—I have a shotgun, I have a 20-gauge, a 12-gauge. My sons hunt. Guess what? You’re not allowed to own any weapon. I’m not taking your gun away at all.”
When the man continued to push, albeit brashly, for a clearer answer, in a thrilling display of the patience and willingness to extemporize upon difficult concepts generally desired in a leader, Biden threatened to fight the blue-collar worker and then insulted him:
“‘This is not OK, alright?’ the man shot back.
Biden replied, ‘Don’t tell me that, pal, or I’m going to go outside with your ass.’
‘You’re working for me, man!’ the worker said.
‘I’m not working for you,’ Biden said. ‘Don’t be such a horse’s ass.’”
It’s often said that women do not possess the passionless logic required to be president, and this exchange serves as a perfect example of the well-reasoned stoicism we can expect from the coming weeks, during which undoubtedly similar male conversation will determine our nation’s future. [The Hill]
Now that everyone’s good and anxious for the coming election, let’s barf our nervous stomachs clean:
- The Department of Justice ordered immigration courts to remove Centers for Disease Control signs in Engish and Spanish giving tips for preventing the spread of coronavirus and then, surely coincidentally, ordered them reposted after the Miami Herald reported the story. [Miami Herald]
- The CDC would also like it noted that despite Donald Trump’s claims, the unfinished border wall is not going to slow the spread of infection. [Politico]
- Meanwhile, the White House has decided to go ahead with plans to slash the CDC’s budget in what seems like a bid to follow every single B-movie directive for governmental contribution to global crisis. [The Hill]
- First SXSW, then Coachella, and now the Gridiron Club & Foundation dinner are all canceled due to fear of coronavirus. [Politico]
- Turns out, Michael Bloomberg’s campaign promises might not have been 100 percent genuine, but at least his staff got spittle-covered buffet food while the campaign lasted. [New York Times]
- Alex Jones is already painting this morning’s DUI arrested as a conspiracy involving sake and the Texas police. [The Daily Beast]
- The soon-to-be-ex-wife of George Papadopoulos—the Trump “coffee boy” jailed for lying to the FBI during the Mueller investigation and who mocked Katie Hill before losing his bid to take her seat in the House— described Papadopoulos as “a monster” in her Twitter divorce announcement. [Salon]