Jezebel's 2020 Unity Tickets

Illustration for article titled Jezebels 2020 Unity Tickets
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On Tuesday, someone over at Politico tried to convince the American people that Joe Biden should “run on a unity ticket” with Mitt Romney.


Here’s just a slice of this feckless, centrist wet dream:

[Biden] is one of our most esteemed and admired leaders. His favorability ratings have touched the 60-percentile range. He appeals to the kind of working-class voters Democrats have been bleeding to Republicans over the years. Most important, he could make a good president, and not just because he has a deep mix of domestic and foreign policy experience; he also has the character for the job. His eulogy at the McCain funeral was not just a riveting and poignant tribute to his good friend, but a testament to Biden’s own genuine grace and good humor. The speech salved some of the grief of those in our nation who worry that McCain’s passing has left a gaping hole in America’s moral fabric.

Now here’s what Biden should do next: Pick a Republican running mate in a “trans-party” third-party run for the White House.


That Republican is Romney, senator-elect of Utah and man who irons his shirt while it’s on his body.


However, Jezebel believes in the Unity Ticket in concept. Here are our 2020 Unity Tickets, as decided through careful consideration, long discussions with family and friends, and this random word (and dinner ideas) generator:

1. Cemetery/Coma 2020

2. Disappoint/Bean 2020

3. Husband/Wrap 2020

4. Hell/Delivery 2020

5. Beef Curry??????/Super Mom Stir Fry 2020

6. Oil/Secretion 2020

7. Tub/Loaf 2020

Thank you.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

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Big Hurt Feelings

How dare you disparage Politico’s dream of a unity ticket between Creepy Uncle who Touches Women and Girls Inappropriately all the Time and Creepy Uncle who Likes to Randomly Yell Who Let The Dogs Out Who Who Who around Black People.