Jeb Bush's Shame Spiral Accelerates

Jeb Bush is not sad, or mad, he is actually laughing, and everything is fine. He is not crying—those are tears but he’s not crying—he just yawned, and you know how sometimes when you yawn your eyes water up a bit and you look like you’re crying but you’re not, you’re NOT CRYING.


It’s funny, actually, that you would think he is crying, because this whole thing is just so ridiculous, that he would be doing this, at the Emmys, pretending to be President Selina Meyer’s limo driver, ha ha, right? No no, it’s just allergies. It’s fine. It’s FINE. It’s fine. No, he doesn’t need a tissue. Sometimes when he laughs too much it looks like he’s crying, it’s the strangest thing. Has been that way forever. Just ask his mom. He loves his mom.

Reporter, Special Projects Desk

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thunderbae (a straight shooter, respected on all sides)