Jeb Bush, Unprompted, Declares 'I Love My Mother More Than My Dad'

At a town hall event on Thursday, Republican presidential candidate and depressed middle schooler Jeb Bush answered an extremely personal question that no one asked.


According to the New York Times, Bush announced—again, for literally no reason, except maybe that his body has finally given in to the pressure of a collapsing political dynasty/the paleo diet and he has entered a fugue state:

“I get asked all the time: ‘Well, are you like your brother? Are you like your dad?’ I know there’s a real fascination about this. Let’s just—let me get this out of the way: I love my mother more than my dad.”


Hey, Jeb...why’d you...say that? You don’t have to choose, buddy!

“Put aside all the 41 and 43 — who you like, all that stuff that’s a People magazine kind of fascination,” he continued, referring to his father, George Bush, the 41st president, and his brother, George W. Bush, the 43rd president.

He ended on a sweet note. “I’m blessed, that’s all I have to tell you,” he said.

“I’m blessed to be George and Barbara’s son, and I’m blessed to be George W.’s brother. But the world we’re in today is dramatically different than 2000, when my brother got elected, and 2001, when the World Trade Center towers and the Pentagon and the plane went down in Pennsylvania.”



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Image via AP, gif by Bobby Finger.


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Jia Tolentino

“hey how’s it going” “I LOVE MY MOTHER MORE THAN MY DAD”