I've Got a Very Important Question For Deval Patrick and Michael Bloomberg

Illustration for article titled Ive Got a Very Important Question For Deval Patrick and Michael Bloomberg
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Suffering is endless. That’s why on Thursday, former Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick made it official: He’s running for president, throwing his hat into a very (very) crowded Democratic ring.

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Including Patrick, there are now 18 Democrats running for president, and there may soon be a nineteenth, with former New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg who is reportedly preparing to enter the Democratic primary too.

Contemplating these two men—late entrants, who offer nothing new or interesting, jumping into the race less than three months before the Iowa caucuses—it’s hard not to think of an iconic Vine video:

“Why are you running?” indeed!

No matter what their answer is, the follow up is simple: Please, reconsider.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

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DISCUSSION

honkhonkhonk
honkhonkhonk - check if it's really me!

Okay, I’m gonna tinfoil hat this binch and suggest that Deval Patrick is here as a spoiler for both Warren and Sanders, but especially Warren. He hasn’t had name recognition in ten years and he went to work at fucking BAIN CAPITAL after leaving the MA governor’s office. But he is Masshole famous. So, theory: he doesn’t want to win, he’s just being supported by the donor class as a wrecker because they’re afraid of paying a tiny fucking slice of taxes.

full disclosure, I voted for him for governor and thought he was... fine? I moved away from MA during his time in office, but I don’t remember any massively offensive disasters or anything that made him stand out as a progressive hero.