Inspiring! President Spared Honest Trial by One Woman's Vote

Dark Lord Lisa Murkowski will vote no against motions to subpoena further witnesses in the impeachment trial of Donald Trump, once again proving that a woman’s power is limitless, especially when put to work dismantling a democracy and ensuring the reign of a tyrannical loser set on driving the planet right off the edge of a cliff.

The Hill reports that the Republican senator from Alaska will vote against motions to subpoena witnesses like the opportunistic stunt queen John Bolton. This will effectively end the lopsided Senate impeachment trial, which has chugged along the last two weeks despite every effort from Republicans and pundits alike to call it biased, un-democratic, and even criminal. The outlet reports that Murkowski, when announcing her decision, said:

“I worked for a fair, honest and transparent process, modeled after the Clinton trial, to provide ample time for both sides to present their cases, ask thoughtful questions, and determine whether we need more. The House chose to send articles of impeachment that are rushed and flawed. I carefully considered the need for additional witnesses and documents, to cure the shortcomings of its process, but ultimately decided that I will vote against considering motions to subpoena.”

Murkowski’s vote, had she been in favor of further subpoenas, would have given the motion a 50-50 split. With that prospect now dashed upon the rocks of Trump’s many, many, many crimes, Americans can now look forward to him flailing about on debate stages incredibly soon.

In this moment, it’s hard to be cavalier. The injustices committed by this presidency seem too unimaginable to comprehend, but they are very much real, and affecting the lives of millions every fucking day. Senators like Lisa Murkowski will be remembered for their actions in this trial. I only hope that our planet, and any promise of decent human civilization, lasts long enough for them to be remembered for what it might have been.