If You Meet Tom Steyer on the Campaign Trail Please Ask Him for at Least $100,000

Illustration for article titled If You Meet Tom Steyer on the Campaign Trail Please Ask Him for at Least $100,000
Screenshot: YouTube/Tom Steyer

Tom Steyer, the billionaire hedge fund dude you maybe recognize from those Impeach President Trump commercials, has announced that he’s running for president. In his video pitch, he vows to combat inequality, climate change, corporate greed, and the corrupt Washington elite. It’s a populist message that would be better served if he just promised to give every voter some of his $1.6 billion fortune instead of running for president and losing!


According to the New York Times, Steyer plans to spend $100 million of his own money on his presidential campaign, a figure which “exceeds the total fund-raising over the last three months by Joseph R. Biden Jr., Pete Buttigieg, Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders and Kamala Harris—combined.”


This is, by all accounts, a flex. Stronger flex: Steyer deciding that being a billionaire is unethical money hoarding and giving away all of his money to other people! So if you happen to run into populist hero Steyer on the campaign trail, ask him if this is something he’d consider, won’t you?

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

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In honor of H. Ross Perot’s death, please duplicate the effect of the 1992 Presidential election and split the Republican voters enough to guarantee a loss for 45.