If Mayor Pete Wins We Have to Dance Like This Forever

I used to think that young people swallowing a spoonful of cinnamon was the bottom of the internet barrel. But then, Mayor Pete’s campaign came along and made me realize that if we really put our minds to it, humanity is capable of ruining anything, including a very good Panic at the Disco song.

In my opinion, the Mayor Pete dance is not a dance. As someone with extensive knowledge of crappy high school cheerleading, this set of movements reads as more of a pep rally cheer or something the new girl does because she’s forgotten the moves. Not that I’ve done that. It also looks like something you might do at a bar in an attempt to signal that you don’t want to be talking to the person who just bought you a drink you did not request.

We don’t know yet who is responsible for choreographing the dance but I have to assume it’s someone with access to Disney+ who probably spent the weekend studying, and then butchering, the work of Kenny Ortega before gifting this to the world. While the dance makes me want to forcefully rip out my contacts and hearing aid to escape it, it’s actually, unfortunately, breathing new life into both Mayor Pete’s campaign and everyone else’s Tik Tok feed.

The one positive thing about this dance craze is that it sets the bar pretty low in terms of what the fanboys and fangirls of other candidates will have to do to get their candidate to go viral. The Yang Gang could come up with a much better dance set to a Weezer melody. Bernie Bros could create an acapella number that is just them screaming about revolution but in harmony. The Liz Lovers can…make a plan for something?

Almost anything would be better than this dance that only covers part of a great song I no longer want to hear. As long as it’s not another Katy Perry political parade.