I Found Jesus At a Bernie Sanders Rally

Illustration for article titled I Found Jesus At a Bernie Sanders Rally

PHILADELPHIA — “All your sins are forgiven!” Jesus informed me at a “Bernie or Bust” rally in front of Philadelphia’s City Hall. His robe was a little warm, he said. “I bought it at a Muslim store.”

“Vote for Bernie!” a woman with a Sanders sign shrieked, interrupting our conversation. “Jesus was Jewish, just like Bernieeeee!”

“Jesus was a Jew!” Jesus agreed. “I’m a Jew, too!” The Bernie supporter left, satisfied.


“Who does Jesus vote for?” I wondered.

“I vote for myself,” he said.

Ellie is a freelance writer and former senior writer at Jezebel. She is pursuing a master's degree in science journalism at Columbia University in the fall.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter



You guys didn’t find Jesus, you found Philly Jesus! He is a well known weirdo around town who gets arrested a lot. He can be kind of a dick sometimes and I hope people stop giving him attention.