I Am Still Thinking About Stephen Miller's Spray Hair

Illustration for article titled I Am Still Thinking About Stephen Millers Spray Hair
Screenshot: CNN

There comes a time in every man’s life when he has to make an important decision: accept his destiny and shave the remainder of his rapidly balding hair or do whatever he possibly can to hang on to those remaining follicles.

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President Trump’s ghoul of a policy adviser, Stephen Miller, has gone his own way: the spray-on-hair route, perhaps one of the, uh, boldest, responses to a bald future:

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For reference, the photo on the left is what Stephen Miller’s hair usually looks like.

Illustration for article titled I Am Still Thinking About Stephen Millers Spray Hair
Image: Getty Images/CNN

What is behind this pivot? Does he feel insecure? Did he just watch one of those ‘90s GLH commercials and get inspired?

We may never know, but either way, fuck this fucking guy and his fake fucking hairline.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

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DISCUSSION

gingerisaconstruct
Ginger Is A Construct

I googled Miller’s age and I’m still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor. Any time I feel conflicted about my crows’ feet I will remember that I am older than Stephen Miller and Sarah Huckabee Sanders but they could pass for my judgmental, bigoted parents.