Hillary Says She'd Back Bernie, After All

Illustration for article titled Hillary Says She'd Back Bernie, After All
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We are trapped in a time loop in which it is always 2016, except I have 30 percent more grey hairs and I can’t see words on my phone up close with both eyes anymore because all the New York Times push notifications ruined my vision. So, here’s this: Hillary Clinton says she will, in fact, back Bernie Sanders if he is the nominee. Will this be the last word? Very doubtful!


As reported yesterday—and relitigated 500,000,000 times on Twitter‚in a recent interview with the Hollywood Reporter published on Tuesday, Clinton stood by a line in her new Hulu docuseries in which she claimed, re: Sanders: “Nobody likes him, nobody wants to work with him, he got nothing done. He was a career politician. It’s all just baloney and I feel so bad that people got sucked into it.” And when asked whether she would endorse and campaign for Sanders if he got the nomination, she replied, “I’m not going to go there yet,” then said some stuff about Bernie Bros and online bullying.

It seemed, based on that interview, that we would have to suffer an endless #NeverBernie discourse, one rife with centrist family members urging their children to “Vote Blue, no Matter Who...unless it’s Bernie Sanders!” and emailing them articles from suspicious websites suggesting Bernie is a Russian agent. And we still haven’t even made it to the Iowa Caucus! But folks, fear not—Candid Hillary was just being Candid, and she will back Bernie if she absolutely must.

So that’s that, I guess?




Hilary Clinton had her chance. It went to hell in a handbasket. Can she please just go away now? I don’t like to be reminded of that election and she’s just making things worse.