Here's What 2 Idiots Ate for Lunch

Among the many details that needed to be ironed out ahead of the…historic…meeting between Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un was the issue of what the two Baby Heads of State would eat during their time together. In addition to all the other up-to-the-minute coverage this encounter has warranted, the details of the menu are the most intriguing to me, personally, and now, that menu has been revealed.

This is interesting for two reasons: First, both Kim and Trump are posturing blowhards for whom the appearance of dominance is paramount, despite the fact that both are softer than a pair of freshly baked potato rolls. This means that the menu must evenly represent the culinary traditions of both countries, lest a stray garnish suggest the preeminence of someone’s dick and the whole world gets blown to confetti.

The other interesting thing is that Trump, as we know, has the palate of a golden retriever, preferring his steaks well done and his chicken scooped out of a bucket. Kim, for his part, likes cheese. Like, really likes cheese. He once ate so much cheese that he had to go into hiding, which doesn’t sit too well next to the fact that 41 percent of North Koreans are undernourished. These two really are a match made in heaven.

So what vittles are going to sustain this meeting of the minds? Here’s the menu:

What a freaking mess. First of all, “prawn’s.” Why is this possessive? Why do people do this? Why are “Oiseon” and “Daegu jorim” bookended by scare quotes, as though they’re make-believe words? And if we’re scare-quoting non-English words, than why aren’t they all included? Speaking of which, “dauphinois” needs an “e” on the end. I don’t even want to talk about the presence of Häagen-Dazs here; either the diaeresis or the brand itself.

Maybe this was typed up by a reporter in a hurry, but I somehow doubt it? “Prawn’s” is the giveaway. Nobody adds an apostrophe when they know better. You know what they say: If you can’t even take the time to spell check, you really, really shouldn’t be allowed near the red button.