Images via Dimension Films, Getty. Art by evil genius Bobby Finger.

Can it be? Is the presidential election going to be swayed by October’s most disgusting recipe, Pussy Surprise? Is our cuntry—I’m sorry, country —and the Grand Old Pussy — I’m sorry, Grand Old Party— going to be able to save itself? Are there really still any undecided voters out there, and, if so, what the fuck could possibly be wrong with them?

These are the pressing and vaguely sickening questions we must ask ourselves as we head into tonight’s second presidential debate, moderated by CNN’s Martha Raddatz and Anderson Cooper and featuring questions from them and some of those apparently undecided people. Watch Donald Trump emerge from reported hiding and try to explain himself, and watch Hillary Clinton surreptitiously pinch herself to make sure this wonderful gift from the media heavens is real.


Hold on to your pussies, let’s do this.