Happy Passover From the Worst Seder I've Ever Seen

Senator Marco Rubio, still apparently not quite out of the habit of pandering to the Jews despite the fact that he is no longer running for anything at all, appears to have hosted a Passover seder for a group of miserable-looking staffers and PC computers. I have questions.

  1. Why is this taking place in an office?
  2. Was this seder mandatory?
  3. Why are the blinds drawn?
  4. Is there a seat for Elijah? I can’t tell.
  5. Do you think Marco Rubio likes Israel?
  6. Are they going to get to eat brisket and stuff afterwards, or are they chewing on parsley and matzah and staring at each other and reading an excerpt from The Diary of Anne Frank and then going back to work?
  7. Has anyone at this table been to a seder before?
  8. If not, who is running the seder?
  9. How can you have a seder if no one at the seder knows anything about seders?
  10. Did someone try to make the youngest staffer sing “The Four Questions”? Was that both embarrassing and thrilling for them, like it is for me?
  11. Did Marco Rubio like the passage in the Haggadah about helping strangers because we, too, were strangers in the land of Egypt? No?

I’ve reached out to Sen. Rubio’s office to learn more about his seder and will update if I hear back.

Ellie is a freelance writer and former senior writer at Jezebel. She is pursuing a master's degree in science journalism at Columbia University in the fall.

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And they left a computer on so that Elijah could Skype in.