Happy Anniversary to Newt and Calista in all of their heavily face-tuned glory.
Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:
- Donald Trump held a lovefest for Immigrations Customs and Enforcement on Monday, singing their praises for about 30 minutes at the White House. “We need new laws. We need border laws we need immigration laws, we need them fast, we’re going to get them,” he said. “Hopefully the midterms will help toward that end.” He thanked border patrol Adrian Anzaldua for arresting 78 undocumented immigrants and commented on Anzaldua’s “perfect English.” [The Hill]
- The Republican National Committee raised a record-breaking $14.2 million in July, the most it ever has in a month during a non-presidential election year. [CBS News]
- The Trump administration is eyeing prison reform. Forgive my extreme skepticism. [NBC News]
- New Orleans will no longer require youth defendants to pay court fees, becoming the first city in the South to do so. [The Advocate]
- Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh once sought “graphic details” about Bill Clinton’s sexual relationship with Monica Lewinsky. [Associated Press]
- The Miami Herald endorses Republican candidate Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera, who claims to have contact with aliens who abducted her as a child. [Miami Herald/Alfred Spellman Twitter]
- Jimmy Kimmel and Jennifer Lawrence are donating to a political party (Democrats) for the first time ever. [Daily Beast]
- Paul Manafort, currently awaiting a verdict on 18 charges, is “feeling really good,” according to his lawyer. [CNN]
- Man who tried to blow up a Confederate statue, which should already have been blown up, sentenced to 6.5 years in prison. [CNN]
- Ben Carson is no longer a Baltimore hero. [Associated Press]
- Here’s what Barack Obama is reading. [Facebook]
- Lanny Davis, Michael Cohen’s attorney, is talking to the Watergate lawyer who brought down Nixon. [Politico]
Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish today:
This has been Barf Bag.