Remember when things were fun? I sort of can if I push all my anxieties way down and try to pretend like reality is a dream. So let’s do that now. Because as of yesterday, it has officially been one year since the single greatest two minutes of the entire election: Ben Carson’s big walkout disaster.
I remember exactly where I was when it happened, too. I was sitting in my apartment, live-blogging the debate for the late cuck-advocacy website Gawker.com. I was lost in some lesser post when my editor messaged me. “What the fuck is happening?” he said. I looked up. I began to scream. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life: Ben Carson, apparently refusing to go on stage. Donald Trump wandering around like an idiot. Marco Rubio being extremely Marco Rubio. It was perfect in every way. It is perfect in every way.
So now, for just a few minutes, let’s lose ourselves in the circus of incompetence once again. Because something this beautiful doesn’t come around often. And because, in a few months, President Trump’s nuclear war with Australia will probably kill us all.