Handshake Wars: Death by Thumb (and Other Events from a Very Productive G7 Summit)

Trump attends another summit of world leaders, and yet again, our nation is tested on its claim to the biggest dick in the land.

From the beginning of the G7 Summit on Friday, Trump gave every indication that he did not want to be there. “Why are we having a meeting without Russia being in the meeting?” he asked reporters before arriving in Canada. (Russia was kicked out of the G8 after annexing Crimea in 2014, which is why). He showed up late to the first meeting (gender equality) on Saturday, where Trudeau quipped about starting without “stragglers.”

Other leaders had planned to confront him about new tariffs on steel and aluminum, on which Trump made clear he would not budge unless all tariffs are eliminated, which Angela Merkel reportedly called “a starting point,” according to Politico, but she also posted this photo on Instagram:

Heated yet friendly debate? John Bolton’s mustache says “unlikely.”

Trump reportedly departed before climate talks on Saturday to head to Singapore for Tuesday’s summit with North Korea, saying again that he thinks “it would be an asset to have Russia back in.” While Trudeau declined to comment on whether he was happy about Trump’s early exit, Politico reports that Trump said yes:

But when a reporter asked Trudeau whether he was disappointed that Trump was leaving the G-7 summit early, Trudeau didn’t answer. “He’s happy,” Trump interjected, sticking out his tongue in an antic gesture to show he was joking.

Joke! Trump characterized the United States’ relationship with other G7 countries as “a 10″ and called the event “a tremendously successful G7″ in the ebullient first ten seconds of this press briefing, before launching into a lengthy tirade about tariffs, saying, “We’re like the piggy bank that everybody is robbing.”

Even the budding bromance with Macron, with whom he had a petite Twitter match earlier this week, culminated in another guerre des mains, which Macron unequivocally won. As you can devise from the size of the print, Macron’s hand is not larger than Trump’s, but larger in proportion to a man of his build and height. The great victory of the 2018 G7 summit shall not be forgotten.