Guess Who's Back

Hello. Hi. I’ve been out of the country for 18 days. Did I miss anything?

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

The first White House presser in 40 days featured a motley crew of Trump administration officials dedicated to avoidance. At one point, Sarah Sanders was asked to comment on news that the Trump Organization hired and recently fired undocumented immigrants who have been in their employ for years. The Washington Post’s Josh Dawsey asked, “What does the president think should happen to a business that employs illegal immigrants?” Sanders, naturally, dodged: “I think that’s one of the reasons that the president wants to fix the problem. He’s one of the people that’s identified that we have a problem and we should fix our immigration system.” Huh?

Kamala Harris isn’t fucking around with this whole presidential run thing. [Washington Post]
Roger Stone, alive, compares his treatment to that of Osama bin Laden and Pablo Escobar, dead. [New York Post]
Joshua Tree National Park was so badly vandalized during the government shutdown that it may take 300 years to fully recover. [Newsweek]
Plus, the shutdown has caused a further backlog in immigration court cases, meaning that immigrants may have to way years for a new court date. [Los Angeles Times]
Oh, and President Trump is pissed about a former aide’s upcoming tell-all. So many tell-alls! [Politico/The Atlantic]
In a terrifying development, Texas is flagging thousands of registered voters for citizenship checks. [Washington Post]
Tom Brokaw is sorry for saying that “Hispanics” should assimilate more. [Politico]
A dozen undocumented employees of Trump national Golf Club in New York were fired after working there for years. [Today Show]
People are expressing their disapproval of Education Secretary Betsy DeVos’s decision to change the way schools approach sexual assault allegations with multiple fuck you’s. [Politico]
A proposed bill will make animal cruelty a federal felony. [CNN]
The Hill reports that more women will have key leadership positions in state legislatures across the U.S. than at any time in the country’s history. [The Hill]