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Do you ever look at the news and feel the urge to scream the F-word very loud? What am I even saying—of course you do! At this very moment, I personally am punching the air with limp fists weak with extended anger and vitamin D deficiency, shrieking “Fuuuuuuuuuck offffffff, Joe Biden, with this 2020 bullshit! Fuck off fuck off fuck off!!! You’re not that bad but please go away now or I’ll die!!!”

Why am I so mad at Joe—can I call you Joe?—in particular? Besides the fact that he thinks he should be president, and should not be president ever? I think it’s because my body can only pick one thing to be mad at at a time, and right now it is this.

Look:

Or not! Like, actually, no! That’s so dumb, no offense! Fuck! Off!

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WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? FUCK OFF!

That’s nice but I would love it if you could keep this to yourself and spare me the heart attack that I am having!!!! Eff off, pal!

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WHAT IF WE DON’T WANT TO?!?!?!? SORRY GREG BUT PLEASE ACTUALLY FUCK THE FRICK OFF!!!

Anyway, thanks for listening.

This has been Fuck Off Right This Instant.