For the Bargain Price of 20k Per Day, Rudy Giuliani Will Bungle All of Trump's Election Lawsuits

Illustration for article titled For the Bargain Price of 20k Per Day, Rudy Giuliani Will Bungle All of Trumps Election Lawsuits
Image: Chris McGrath (Getty Images)
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Former New York City mayor, attorney, alleged creepy masturbator, creepy masturbation denier, and all-around racist POS Rudolph W. Giuliani is doing a piss-poor job leading Trump’s windmill attack on the 2020 election. But his failure to upend democracy is, in fact, doing the country a great service—keeping America safe from men like Trump and Giuliani. While the protection of America from these cretins is priceless, Giuliani is reportedly asking the Trump campaign to pay him 20 grand a day for his services. I, for one, think they should.

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What do we all get if the campaign and, by proxy the chuds who donated to it, pay this bargain-basement price? Well, according to the New York Times, we get Giuliani as an inside man, gumming up the works in baseless lawsuits of election fraud across the country, making them even less likely to be taken seriously:

“On Monday, the day before a key hearing on a lawsuit in federal court in Pennsylvania, Mr. Giuliani forced out a lawyer who had been leading the case, two people briefed on the events said. That left Mr. Trump’s team scrambling for a replacement. The local lawyer now handling the case has referred to Mr. Biden as the winner of the election and has said the lawsuits won’t change that outcome.”

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Yet Giuliani insists that, for him, this isn’t about money, it’s about the love of feeding conspiracy theories to an addled, enraged tyrant simply for the love a chaos: “I never asked for $20,000,” said Mr. Giuliani, “The arrangement is, we’ll work it out at the end.” Those insiders, however, say that Giuliana started billing the day after the election, which is coincidentally around the time he started putting a bee in the presidents bonnet about voting machine irregularities and lengthy, costly lawsuits, despite widespread acknowledgement that all of these lawsuits are baseless and will not affect the election results.

This sounds like money well spent, and I, for one, say you can’t put a price on the kind of incompetence that will drain the campaign’s bank accounts and make them go away. [New York Times]


In other lovely news concerning thwarted Trump plans, the Senate has decided that Judy Shelton’s presidential nomination to the Federal Reserve Board of Governors will not be moving forward, which makes her chances at a confirmation less likely as Republicans either call in sick or grow a backbone on saying no to a nominee who has stated that she is not too fond of the Fed despite, literally, being at a job interview to work there.

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The final vote ended up 47-50, with Senators Susan Collins and Mitch McConnell voting no, in McConnell’s case possibly so he could nominate her some other time, and Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley saying he would have totally voted but he had to quarantine immediately. Vice President-elect Kamala Harris also voted remotely, and it was a no on letting the lady who hates the idea of national banks run the national bank from Harris. Not sure why voting remotely wasn’t an option for Chuck, but am also not looking a gift horse in the covid. [Washington Post]

  • Update, Rudy is really out here in Pennsylvania earning today’s 20 grand before the state’s Supreme Court. I haven’t rooted this much for a small man named Rudy to be given a chance to do something he’s bad at since 1993 and my childhood crush on Sean Astin.
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  • President Donald Trump is still thinking there might be time to start a world war before he leaves office, possibly as a fun little hazing for President-elect Biden. [New York Times]
  • Rand Paul wonders why more people don’t see false equivalencies between things that work versus things that don’t work. [Twitter]

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VodkaRocks&aPieceofToast

RAND PAUL’S NEIGHBOR WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!