Eric Trump Stares Into the Void

Screenshot: Jeanine Pirro’s Twitter account

The other Trump failson recently sat down for an interview with Fox News’ Jeanine Pirro to defend his father and to whine about just how unfair it all is. Namely, that Hunter Biden was, in his words, “enriching himself off his father’s position.” Sound familiar? Much like Don Jr., Eric was this close to having an epiphany about himself.

Pirro kicked off the sitdown with Eric by asking him about the Bidens and Ukraine. “But now we hear about all this corruption going on in the Ukraine with Joe Biden, with his son Hunter Biden making $50,000 a month, who’s apparently not capable of doing much,” Pirro said.

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“Could you imagine if that happened, if the roles were reversed, what they’d be doing to my father right now, if Mike Pence had a son that was Hunter’s age that was embezzling, that was effectively taking insane amounts of money from adversarial countries at the behest of the American people, blowing taxpayer money,” Eric responded, seemingly unaware of the meaning of the phrase “at the behest of.” Curious that he neglected to mention how the Trump family continues to profit from their many business deals both at home and abroad and how taxpayer money is actually paying for his Secret Service detail on his business jaunts to other countries to do said deals, but go off Eric!

“For some reason, I’m the only person talking about this,” Eric said a short while later, adding that politicians and their families personally enriching themselves “can’t happen in politics on any side of the aisle.” (I guess his father’s recent decision—now reversed—to hold next year’s G7 at the Trump resort in Doral, Florida doesn’t count.)

“If I was doing the same thing that family was doing, I’d be in jail,” Eric told Pirro.

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“That’s right,” Pirro said. (If only!)

Eric got philosophical for a moment, almost but not quite staring straight into the void—understanding the reality of his own existence.

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“Why is it that every family goes into politics and enriches themselves,” he pondered. “We’re the only family, we stopped doing deals when my father became... he’s a businessman! We were, are businesspeople! We stopped doing deals when he went into politics.” (Again, this is a lie.)

“Guess what?” he continued. “All of these kids, they started doing deals when their families went into politics. And it’s sickening.”

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Eric, you were so close. Self-awareness is hard!

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