Don't Even Think of Coughing Near the President

I just came back from a week in the south, where Diet Dr. Pepper flows freely from the tap!

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• Donald Trump kicked Mick Mulvaney out of the Oval Office during an interview that aired on Sunday. Why? Because Mulvaney coughed. And coughing, as we all know, is a sign of weakness that must be banished at all costs. [ABC News/Slate]
• There’s more:

• After internal polls showing Trump trailing Joe Biden in several key states became public, Trump responded by firing some of the pollsters, which is exactly what I did in middle school when a friend told me my crush didn’t like me, then told someone else. I fired my friend!! [NBC News]
• Trump cut hundreds of millions in aid to El Salvador, Guatemala, and Honduras, a move that will likely increase the numbers of people who migrate from Central American to the U.S. [Reuters]
• Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu has named a settlement in the Golan Heights “Trump Heights” and I am literally barfing right now. [CNN]
• Joe Biden is scared of Elizabeth Warren, which, good! He should be! [Axios]
• Some good news about gerrymandering for once. [New York Times]
• Parkland teen Kyle Kashuv’s acceptance into Harvard has been rescinded in response to the fact that he was quite a flagrant racist while in high school. The teen, who survived the mass shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, went on to become the director of high school outreach for Turning Point USA and, among other notable achievements, spoke at an NRA convention. Naturally, conservative airbags are making quite a fuss over Harvard’s decision, but I think the lesson to be learned here is don’t be a fucking asshole? It’s not that hard! This goes for Harvard too, which doesn’t exactly have the best record when it comes to enabling all manner of racists, rightwing ideologues, and Jared Kushner. [CNN]
• Pete Buttigieg canceled his campaign events after a South Bend police officer on Sunday shot and killed 53-year-old Eric Logan. [South Bend Tribune]

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.