Donald Trump's 'Health' Downgraded From 'Astonishingly Excellent' to 'Excellent'

Photo: AP
Photo: AP

Donald Trump’s primary physician, who is a gastroenterologist and thus knows from bullshit, this week downgraded the presidential candidate’s health from “astonishingly excellent” to merely “excellent.” This is a marked decrease in his reported stamina and vitality. What is the candidate hiding?


Trump released the letter, dated September 13, early Thursday morning. Though Trump claims he had a physical exam last week, the doctor’s letter references tests from July 10, 2013; December 16, 2014; and April 14, 2016. Still, something must have happened for the good doc to downgrade Trump’s outlook from “the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency” to merely in “excellent health.” But what?

Illustration for article titled Donald Trumps Health Downgraded From Astonishingly Excellent to Excellent

Bornstein, who told reporters he wrote Trump’s last doctor’s letter “in five minutes” because he had a limo waiting outside, has not been made available for comment. I guess we’ll just have to take his word for it!

Former Gawker news editor

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Masshole James, Unstable Genius

Some people say that it’s difficult for Trump to release his actual medical records because they’re buried in a warehouse in New Jersey, along with his tax records and his NAMBLA membership card. Some people are saying that.