Donald Trump Loss Categorized as Win By Donald Trump

Donald Trump, who lost pretty badly in Iowa last night, would like to congratulate himself.


Let’s all congratulate Donald Trump, a loser.

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Who the hell wants to come in first in Iowa? Losers, that’s who. I’ll tell you the state to win and that’s New Hampshire!

Who the hell wants to win New Hampshire? Losers, that’s who. The thing to win is the national convention!

I never wanted to win the Republican nomination. Only losers are Republicans. I’m running as an Independent!!

Ha, ha, just kidding! I wasn’t really running! This was just a long con to promote my new show, “America, you losers, you’re fired!”