Donald Trump Jr's Covid-19 Diagnosis Pushed Him to Live, Laugh, Love...the United States

Illustration for article titled Donald Trump Jrs Covid-19 Diagnosis Pushed Him to Live, Laugh, Love...the United States
Screenshot: Instagram/@DonaldJTrumpJr

Donald Trump Jr, the eldest and most clout-thirsty of President Trump’s children, wants his loyal followers to know that contracting covid-19 has offered him a new perspective on life. No, it hasn’t made him more empathetic toward the less fortunate or concerned about the grotesque health infrastructure in the United States. No, instead, getting covid-19 has simply made his love for the United States of America even stronger.

In a three minute Instagram video, Don Jr—decked in outdoorsman plaid, a wooded forest behind him for good measure—managed to wax poetic about America’s greatness and compare his beard to the facial stylings of an ISIS terrorist (“I had to shave and do something with my hair, I think I pretty much went full ISIS there for a little while”) all in one fell swoop. While quarantined with covid-19 for the last 10 or so days, he said that his neighbors have “come out of the woodwork” to leave necessities and food at his door and have gone out of their way to ask if he needed anything.

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“I got to thinking about it for a little bit and it was just awesome,” Don Jr said. “When I think of so many of these people—some I know reasonably well, others I don’t know much at all—just coming by and leaving notes on my door, hoping I feel better, leaving my cell phone number [asking] if there’s anything they could do, errands they could run for me... honestly, it just made me proud to be an American.”

He continued: “That’s the America I know, that’s the America I love, that’s the America we’ve been fighting for all this time.”

In reality, the America he and the Trump administration have been fighting for is an America that downplays the dangers of the very illness Don Jr contracted. It’s also one that sells cruelty against marginalized groups and revels in barefaced corruption. The Trump era relied on fearmongering and racist dog whistles to push much of its agenda, and whether Don Jr and the rest of the Trump clan like it or not, on Election Day voters decided that they rejected that specific vision of America moving forward.

Besides, what Don Jr witnessed was not a uniquely American phenomenon. Nice neighbors exist everywhere, and he’s lucky that his left food at his door instead of a flaming pile of dog shit.

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Unfortunately, Don Jr didn’t merely spend his time in quarantine marveling at the kindness of strangers. While his girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle continues to hawk his latest book Liberal Privilege, Don Jr has been busy putting together a super PAC. Politco reports that Don Jr’s advisors created Save the U.S. Senate PAC as a means to “prod the president’s supporters to vote in the upcoming Georgia Senate runoffs, as Republicans grow concerned that Trump’s backers will boycott the elections.” The PAC hopes that a series of commercials featuring Don Jr, which are set to air exclusively on conservative networks and radio stations, will convince Republicans disaffected by the general election results to come to the polls and help maintain the Republican Senate majority.

And wait, it gets worse. From Politico:

The new super PAC is likely to intensify talk that Trump Jr. is interested in pursuing a 2024 presidential bid. But people close to the first son say he’s more interested in playing a kingmaker role in the Republican Party and using his social media presence to advocate for favored candidates. He is expected to be heavily involved in the 2022 midterm elections.

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Please, I’d rather deal with an infinite scroll of those bad memes Don Jr posts on Instagram than see him run for office. Maybe one of his amazing all-American neighbors will leave him a note suggesting he fade into obscurity instead.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

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DISCUSSION

buriedaliveopener
BuriedAliveOpener

that’s the America we’ve been fighting for all this time.

An America where a rich white man, who hasn’t earned a single thing he’s received in life, “suffers” a tiny amount as a result of his own actions, and a bunch of people come out of the woodwork to offer him assistance he doesn’t need (again, rich white man), because they want to suckle at the teat of power, while poor people without power suffer and die needlessly, often due to circumstances beyond their control (like being forced to go to work in the midst of a pandemic simply to put food on the table) because this rich asshole’s dad, and this rich asshole’s dad’s entire political party, refuse to do a single thing to help out Americans who don’t have money and connections they didn’t earn?  Yep, you have been working to build that America, even though that’s the America that’s always existed.