Illustration for article titled Donald Trump Jr. Hopes to Prove Hes Daddys Good Boy Once and for All With a Hunter Biden Debate
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Donald Trump Jr. says he’ll whip it out and compare if Hunter Biden shows his first—tax returns, that is.

In a recent interview with Axios on HBO, Trump Jr., a person none of us would have ever heard of had it not been for his father, would like to debate Hunter Biden, another person who is irrelevant without his last name, over who has gotten more help from daddy. Trump Jr. also says he’ll release his tax returns if Hunter Biden will do the same:

“If we do it both, 100%,” Don Jr. said. “Let’s talk about who profited off of whose public service. Happy to do it. Let’s make it happen.”

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Eric and Donald Trump Jr. continue to run the Trump Foundation, which isn’t nearly as big a grift as Hunter Biden’s grift, according to Junior: “We can go full transparency, we show everything, and we can talk about all of the places where I am supposedly grifting but Hunter Biden isn’t.” Someone, quick, get a ruler to the playground so we can measure these grifts.

In case you’re lucky enough to have forgotten, Hunter Biden is the Joe Biden son at the center of the Ukraine saga due to his connection with a shady Ukrainian gas company that will serve as the email server of Joe Biden’s presidential campaign, should he actually get the Democratic nomination. When he’s not shilling gas in Ukraine (a position he retired from in 2019), Hunter enjoys dating his deceased brother’s widow and hiding love children. Don Jr.’s pastimes, of course, include retweeting white nationalists, fondling guns near animal carcasses, and being paid to talk about daddy.

These two could be really good friends if they would just sit down and share a juice box to talk about how much fun it is to be the rich, white sons of widely disliked yet somehow powerful fathers and all the neat business opportunities those unearned advantages bring. Instead, Donald Trump Jr. wants a winner-take-nothing argument to decide which of them is worse. Somehow the winner still feels like Ivanka except that there are no winners and we all lose.

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