Donald Trump Is Peak Male Performance

Illustration for article titled Donald Trump Is Peak Male Performance
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On Wednesday, Donald Trump Jr. tweeted a video of Senator Bernie Sanders punching a speed bag and getting thrown slightly off-kilter, which was funny but also the kind of thing that would happen to any boxing novice with a bag swinging wildly in their face. In the caption, Trump wrote: “This wouldn’t exactly strike fear in the minds of our adversaries. Imagine this guy sitting accross [sic] the table negotiating with world leaders?”

Don Jr., an expert in masculinity, is absolutely right! Sanders is nothing like his father, Donald Trump, an example of the perfect male specimen; the definition of competence and virility. President Trump is the male form at its peak. He’s the person you want sitting across the table negotiating with world leaders.


And if there is any doubt, allow me to walk you down some of the president’s greatest moments of mastering stairs, handshakes, and knowing when people are sitting in front of him:

Taking anxious baby steps down the stairs when disembarking from Air Force One:

Saying that “China has total respect for Donald Trump and for Donald Trump’s very, very large brain,” which surely shook world leaders to the core:

Leaving his spouse to get soaked during a rain storm:

Dominating this piece of paper stuck to the bottom of his shoe. Dominance:

Knowing where to walk, always:

Beep-beeping in the big truck:

Shaking hands like a very secure man who is good at shaking hands:

Looking all over for his lapdog and lawyer Rudy Giuliani, who was sitting right in front of him:

Every day, we take for granted the glory of man that is President Trump. It would be wise for us to take a moment and reflect upon his masculine wonder.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

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