Illustration for article titled Don Jr. Will Not Launch a Failed Bid for Mayor of New York City, After All
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Donald Trump Jr. and his Etch-a-Sketch beard are no longer interested in running for mayor of New York City, despite hinting at a potential run for years. This may elicit a huge sigh of relief if Don Jr. had a chance in hell of winning, but instead, it’s highlighting his limitations, of which there are many.

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On Monday, a reporter from something called Too Fab asked Trump if he was interested in ever running for mayor. Trump—shit eating grin of too-big veneers on full display—replied, “No, I don’t know if that’s for me, but someone needs to do it because he ain’t gettin’ it done.”

When asked if he thinks de Blasio is a “missing mayor,” Don Jr. replied: “I think that speaks for itself.”

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The mayor’s absence whilst on his doomed presidential campaign has been the long-running joke of New Yorkers across partisan lines; clowning de Blasio is, perhaps, the only thing bringing everyone together, and it’s an activity that Trump enjoys perhaps a little too much:

But what happened to those political aspirations? Maybe Don realized that a mayoral run would just be one more thing he’d fail at, and he can’t afford to rack up anymore of those. Besides, if Trump were mayor, then his other beloved activities—posing with fish and posing with fish in a wetsuit—would fall to the wayside. And what kind of dark, fucked up world would that be?

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

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