It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:
- CPAC 2019 kicked off today, and the nation’s most obnoxious conservatives got together to do what they do best: Psych each other out about imminent socialist takeover. Today’s highlights include: Rep. Mark Meadows and former Trump advisor Sebastian Gorka claiming the Dems will ban hamburgers (just as Stalin intended); MyPillow founder saying that President Trump is the “greatest president”; CNN’s Van Jones sucking up to right wingers; and Diamond and Silk offered enough mmhmmm’s to convince the very white audience that they really do have black friends. But nothing can beat right-wing conspiracy theorist Jacob Wohl giving a presser outside of the convention, claiming that Rep. Ilhan Omar married her brother. Normal guy! Shouts to his security detail:
- President Trump is convinced that Kim Jong Un was unaware of the condition of American college student Otto Warmbier prior to his death in 2017. Warmbier fell into a coma while in North Korean custody and died after he was flown back to the United States. “I don’t believe he would have allowed that to happen,” said Trump. Aight! [Washington Post]
- Sen. Cory Booker doesn’t know what liquor goes in a margarita, effectively losing my vote!!!
- Former Maine Governor Paul LePage said the quiet part loud today when he said that getting rid of the electoral college would silence white people. [Huffington Post]
- The House passed two gun control bills in two days! [Think Progress]
- Rumor has it that Beto O’Rourke plans to announce that he’s running for president in 2020. [Dallas News]
- A woman might be deported after knocking a MAGA hat off someone’s head at a Mexican restaurant. [Washington Post]
- Good news: A Medicaid work requirement bill died in the West Virginia House. Bye bitch! [Ledger-Enquirer]
Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:
This has been Barf Bag.
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