When Rep. Kevin McCarthy surprise announced that he would no longer seek to be Speaker of the House, Washington D.C. was rattled by a heaving sob made up of hundreds of little GOP congressmen running into their offices, slamming the door, huddling under their desks, and just letting their emotions go.
Democratic congressmen are using the moment of heightened dysfunction to have a little fun for once. Rep. Mark Takano (D-Calif.) is one such joker, who created a fake Craigslist job posting for the House speakership.
The post reads:
Are you an American citizen? Do you have experience negotiating hostage situations? Are you ready for the challenge of a lifetime? Then this job is for you!
We are seeking an extremely patient and motivated person to lead the U.S. House of Representatives.
Responsibilities includes [sic]:
-Keeping the government open
-Avoiding a default on U.S. debt
-Maintaining women’s access to health care
-Managing multiple investigative committees aimed at attacking Hillary Clinton
-Explaining to the “Freedom Caucus” the concepts of compromise and democratic governance
-Proven ability to work with irrational people who pursue narrow priorities at the expense of millions of others
-Proficiency in Word, Excel and PowerPoint
-Babysitting experience STRONGLY PREFERRED
-No Congressional experience necessary
Please e-mail resume and an outline of your plan to TheNextFrankUnderwood [at] gmail [dot] com.
RINOs NEED NOT APPLY.
Hey, do you think you’re gonna apply for that? Oh, am I? I don’t know, like, might as well right? I have as good of a chance as anyone. No, but you definitely should too. You’d get it way before I would. I’m gonna have my dad’s friend read my cover letter before I submit it though. He like worked in government or whatever... It’s really not a big deal though; you should just send your application in today— I think getting it in early is what matters.
Contact the author at firstname.lastname@example.org.