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Multiple reports have confirmed that Speaker Paul Ryan will not be seeking re-election come November, likely causing his congressional opponent Randy “Ironstache” Bryce to rejoice and definitely causing me to say: Bye, bitch????????!!!!

Ryan’s departure has been hinted at for a while, particularly since he managed to pass his lifelong dream of engineering a massive upward distribution of wealth to the already very rich. Since Republicans are maybe poised to lose the House, or at least a bunch of seats in the House, why not a brief foray into private life before attempting to become the president of whatever dystopia remains of the United States in 2024?

From Axios, whose report has been confirmed by several other news outlets:

One of Washington’s best-wired Republicans said:

“This is a Titanic, tectonic shift. … This is going to make every Republican donor believe the House can’t be held.” The announcement will help Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) in his fundraising because “the Senate becomes the last bastion,” the Republican said.

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And from the New York Times, which confirmed the report:

Mr. Ryan’s decision to quit, confirmed by two Republicans close to the Wisconsin lawmaker, caught many in the party by surprise. He had just hosted a donor retreat last week in Texas and most officials believed he would not leave until after November.

TTFN!!!!!

UPDATE: Speaker Ryan has officially announced his retirement. From the New York Times:

Explaining his decision to his Republican colleagues Wednesday morning at a meeting in the Capitol, a subdued Mr. Ryan said he wanted to spend more time with his children, who live in the same town where the speaker grew up.

He pledged that he would help fellow Republicans extensively in the 2018 campaign and said he would continue raising money at a powerful pace, according to two lawmakers in the room.