Illustration for article titled Bill Clinton Had An Affair to Manage [His] Anxiety
Screenshot: Hulu

There’s a new biographical docuseries coming out about Hillary Clinton—and of course, it mentions the emails. Not only is the existence of this series further fuel onto the fire of my conspiracy theory that we’re somehow still living in 2016 and the last four years have just been an extended fever dream, it’s also another opportunity for former president, perpetual fool, and alleged assaulter Bill Clinton to stick his foot in his mouth. The question that the entire American public has for Bill Clinton is: when the fuck will he stop talking?

The New York Post reports that the entire third episode of the series (entitled “The Hardest Choice”) focuses on Bill Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky during his time as President.

“And here’s something that’ll take your mind off it for a while,” Clinton, 73, says of his two-year tryst with Lewinsky that began in 1995 when she was 22.

“Everybody’s life has pressures and disappointments, terrors, fears of whatever,” he continues.

“Things I did to manage my anxieties for years.”

I, too, have anxiety. But it’s so funny, I’ve never even been tempted to cope with my anxiety by initiating an affair with someone decades junior to me who also technically works for me! I will not list all of the ways that I do relieve my anxiety because there’s a decent chance my parents will read this blog, but let’s just say that there are plenty of options for stress relief that don’t involve massive abuses of power. For example, SSRIs? Ever heard of them? Or even just having sex with people who don’t work for you—that would also be a better option.

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According to the NY Post, in the docuseries, Bill Clinton offers up a “half-baked” apology to Lewinsky.

“I feel terrible about the fact that Monica Lewinsky’s life was defined by it, unfairly I think, over the years I’ve watched her try to get a normal life again.”

Weak ass apology Bill. WEAK. Mind you, former President Clinton has had literally decades to even attempt to offer up a real apology to Monica Lewinsky, or even just to recognize the ways he abused his power as President, and he can’t even do that. So while it’s not particularly surprising that this attempt at an “apology” was so pitiful, it doesn’t make it any less upsetting. I dream that one day, we stop providing Bill Clinton with a platform and demand that he take responsibility for the harm caused by his actions.

I hope Monica Lewinsky is having a great day.

Freelance writer who loves sandwiches, astrology, & fighting on the internet.

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