Bet Mike Pence Wishes He Wore a Mask!

Illustration for article titled Bet Mike Pence Wishes He Wore a Mask!
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Mike Pence, a man so convinced the power of prayer and homophobia will ward off illness he wandered into a facility full of sick people without bothering to wear a mask, has reportedly now been exposed to covid-19. Whoopsies!

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Bloomberg reports that the Vice President is self-isolating away from Mother and everyone else after one of his staff members—reportedly Stephen Miller’s wife, Katie Miller—tested positive for the novel coronavirus on Friday. Allegedly, Pence tested negative for covid-19 on Sunday, so this period of isolation is brief and he’ll return to the White House on Monday. The timeframe still seems suspect, not that I’m about to fight it.

“Vice President Pence will continue to follow the advice of the White House Medical Unit and is not in quarantine,” Devin O’Malley, a spokesperson for Pence, told Bloomberg. “Additionally, Vice President Pence has tested negative every single day and plans to be at the White House tomorrow.”

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Whether or not Pence has covid-19, it certainly sounds like the White House must be crawling with the novel coronavirus at this point. Last week, it was reported that one of President Trump’s personal valets tested positive, and Ivanka Trump’s personal assistant allegedly also tested positive this week. Considering all the men running this country seem disinclined to take even basic precautionary measures to protect themselves and the people around them from contracting the virus, contagion seems inevitable.

Unfortunately, the self-destructive abject idiots in charge of our country aren’t the only people who work at the White House, and they’re not the only people endangered by Pence, Trump, and co.’s apparent determination to be human covid-19 transports. Not that anyone in charge gives a shit. Or maybe that’s the point.

Night blogger, author of GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO PEOPLE YOU HATE.

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