Ben Carson Suddenly Recalls Time He Was Held Up at Gunpoint at a 'Popeye's Organization'

The drawn-out, horrifying fever dream that is Ben Carson’s response to the Oregon community college shooting has not quite wrapped up, folks!

In the past week, the Republican presidential candidate has suggested that we arm kindergarten teachers, expressed that a hypothetical loss of gun rights would be “more devastating” than any “body with bullet holes,” and maintained that were he in a situation with an active shooter, he would be way braver.

“Not only would I probably not cooperate with him, I would not just stand there and let him shoot me,” Carson told Fox News’ “Fox and Friends” host Brian Kilmeade, when asked how he would respond to a potential gunman. “I would say, ‘Hey, guys, everybody attack him! He may shoot me but he can’t get us all.’”

Since performing these stunning intellectual gymnastics, the retired neurosurgeon—who has recently enjoyed a significant rise in the polls—has evidently decided that his controversial claims might benefit from a personal anecdote.

“I have had a gun held on me when I was in a Popeye’s organization” in Baltimore, Carson said in a Sirius XM interview with Karen Hunter, doing everything in his limited rhetorical power to give Popeye’s some much-needed presidential luster. “Guy comes in, put the gun in my ribs. And I just said, ‘I believe that you want the guy behind the counter.’”

In other words, not only did Carson completely cooperate with the gunman in this very possibly made-up fairy tale event, he actually redirected him towards a more appropriate victim.

Luckily for Carson, this is as solid an argument as Republican voters will ever expect him to make.