Ben Carson Beats Donald Trump in Race to Top of New York Times Bestseller List

Presidential candidate and dusty barrel of fermented peepee Donald Trump is exclusively a Power Top in all aspects of life, which is why I’m sure he is devastated to learn that his prop book will debut below his opponent Ben Carson’s prop book on the New York Times bestseller list.

Trump’s 169-page Crippled America will debut on the nonfiction list at #5, one whole spot below Carson’s A More Perfect Union, according to BuzzFeed News, which goes to show that Americans don’t like to be told they are bad or dysfunctional—they like to be told that they are perfect and will only get perfecter.

In the book, Trump reportedly lets voters in on his softer side. He shares his vulnerabilities: “These veteran politicians looked for the place I was most vulnerable,” someone else ghostwrites, “which is why they attacked my hair, which is mine, by the way.”

His tormented heart for the war he talked his way out of: “I’ve seen [Vietnam veterans’] broken bodies, know all about the horrors that live in their heads, and the enormous effects of trauma.”

And, his impoverished childhood: “The billions I have? I earned every penny. When I was beginning my career my father never gave me much money, but he gave me a great work ethic… He loaned me a small amount of money—loaned, not gave—around $1 million.”