President Barack Obama is enjoying a historic trip to the nation of Cuba. We all had hopes and dreams about how this journey would go, but none of us could have imagined this.
At the end of a joint press conference today, Cuban president Raul Castro—apparently rejecting the common gesture we know as a “handshake”—did something else. He... well. He did this.
Per usual, I have questions.
Questions I have for President Barack Obama:
- At what point did you realize things were headed in this direction? Did you see something in Raul’s eye—perhaps a rebellious twinkle?
- Did you choose to just fully surrender yourself to the deep awkwardness of this moment?
- When is the last time someone other than your wife or children touched your wrist? This cannot be common for a sitting President.
- We’re going to war with Cuba now, right?
- How merciless were Michelle, Sasha, and Malia when they made fun of you later?
Questions I have for President Barack Obama’s hand:
- You’ve been so consistent and firm all these years—you’ve helped punctuate speech after speech with that forceful point of the thumb—why now?
- On this stage?
- Why so limp?
- Was he squeezing off the blood supply?
- You don’t have a contingency plan for this sort of thing? Really?
- Who does your nails? They are very well kept.
Question I have for President Raul Castro:
- Mr, President, sir?
- Did you perhaps mistake the press conference for a boxing ring and yourself for a referee?
- Were you simply trying to prove that Barack Obama has bigger hands than Donald Trump?
- Raul, my man?
- Do you often grab grown adults who have access to nuclear bombs by the wrist?
Not sure where to go from here, guys. For now, I’ll just be here, sobbing tears of secondhand embarrassment, and praying for answers.
Image via AP.