And Then There Was Trump

John Kasich, who has never come close to being a front-runner in the Republican contest and never quite seemed to mind, will finally suspend his campaign after finishing a very distant third in the Indiana primary.

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This news follows Ted Cruz’s decision Tuesday night to suspend his campaign following Donald Trump’s Indiana win. Kasich’s only primary win came in his home state of Ohio, where he has crushed abortion access, neglected the state’s infrastructure, and harassed a police officer for giving him a traffic ticket. More recently, he has been seen scarfing down literally every food item in his path with the reckless and joyful abandon of a 15-year-old football player who was lost in the woods for 3 days.

And now our attention must, unfortunately, turn entirely to presumptive Republican nominee Donald J. Trump, the sculpture your three-year-old made out of soggy ground-up goldfish snacks.

Kasich will reportedly be making a statement at 5 PM EST.


Image via AP.

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About the author

Ellie Shechet

Ellie is a freelance writer and former senior writer at Jezebel. She is pursuing a master's degree in science journalism at Columbia University in the fall.