All This Fuss for $600....... Humiliating!! Truly!!

Illustration for article titled All This Fuss for $600....... Humiliating!! Truly!!
Photo: Brendan Smialowski, Jim Watson/AFP (Getty Images)

I used to get so jealous and possessive of my male friends whenever we’d go to middle school dances together, though I totally didn’t recognize it as such at the time. On more than one occasion, I got so upset at how little they were paying enough attention to me (I was a boy at the time and this was circa Eminem’s peak cultural relevance so literally what was I expecting) that I’d go stomp off to a corner of the room, sit in a chair, and silently fume over how none of them had even noticed that I’d gone. Then after 15 minutes or so, I’d stomp right back over and scream between tears that “None of you even noticed I was gone!!” Incredible. Can’t believe none of them wanted me.

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I’m reminded of these passive-aggressive tantrums while catching up on the latest news regarding that $2.3 trillion stimulus package Donald Trump’s trying to hold up right now. I mean, I agree with his point that we should all be getting “at least” another $1,200 for the government, if not the full $2,000 figure he threw out there, rather than the embarrassing $600 that Congress passed on Sunday. But the president doesn’t really care about getting us more money or not. Like a nightmare 12-year-old me at the dances, I think he just wants attention. Or revenge on the Republicans in Congress for acknowledging his defeat to president-elect Joe Biden in November’s presidential election. Or both.

Anyway, speaking of our leading student debt enthusiast, Biden has called on Trump to sign the bill Congress passed so we can all avoid a bunch more bad shit (another government shutdown, the expiration of employment benefits…) from happening. “This abdication of responsibility has devastating consequences,” Biden said in a statement issued Saturday, per The Hill. “This bill is critical. It needs to be signed into law now. But it is also a first step and down payment on more action that we’ll need to take early in the new year to revive the economy and contain the pandemic—including meeting the dire need for funding to distribute and administer the vaccine and to increase our testing capacity.”

Freelance journalist (GQ, W, Esquire, elsewhere), here on weekends

DISCUSSION

thhg
The Holy Hand Grenade

I hope baby Donnie knows deep in his bones that we will throw the biggest party ever on the day he fucking dies.